I’m 17 now. I have been clearly straight since i was about 11, but for some reason recently my brain is starting to tell me that i like men aswell.
Just to clear things up I have OCD, and the potential of me being gay is my WORST FEAR BY A MILE so much so that i have been a gay hater from a very young age. OCD basically means i end up thinking about things or doing things that i actually dont want to do, and it tends to pick on my most sensitive subjects. I have indeed had a girlfriend before to add to this. OCD has tried to make me beat my best friend up several times now. I also have severe pananoia, and am renowned for being an extreme worrier.
But cutting it short in the last week my thoughts have turned me mad, and now i am close to suicide. My brain keeps filling me in with thoughts of all sorts of gay stuff, such as mens abs and gay sex and i cannot get rid of it no matter how hard i try. AND NO I DO NOT ENJOY THINKING ABOUT IT, IT ACTUALLY MAKES ME CLOSE TO CRYING BECAUSE IF I EVER GET A SEMI I WILL HANG MYSELF STRAIGHT AWAY. I know for a fact that i have never been attracted to a man in any way, but i have fancied the pants off of loadsa girls in my 6th form.
It all started when in a programme i was watching last week there was a short clip of a gay porn movie that featured (i had no idea it was in it). Intinctively i turned away, but the fact that i had seen anything of it at all put me into a trauma.
I have never been in such a state my entire life, and now i am well and truley scared that i may well be attracted to men. As far as I know i am not, but my biggest fear is that these thaughts are going to turn me gay or bi eventually, if they dont go away. My brain well and trulely seems like its on self destruct.
Please help me. I want reassurance to WHY THE FUCK I AM GETTING THESE HORRIFIC THOUGHTS
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dont worry youre probably just going through and experimental stage in your life
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